untold secrets

Untold Secrets is a blog series that chronicles the different hidden lives of different people of African descent. It tells about the untold pains, struggles, fantasies, escapades and lots more of the everyday lives of people who could not share these stories with people as a result of one personal reason or the other.


Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. This statement always sticks with me every time I am about to introduce someone as a “FRIEND”. This was not always the case, there was a time I was free and secure in dishing out friendship slips to anyone I felt I connected with on any level but an experience I had changed me.

When I was in school I was what you could describe as a social butterfly. My many friends felt free to talk to me and seek advice about issues they struggled with and I was joyful in that fact until the day I was privy to information that could ruin my future and possibly endanger my life.

My university is situated in a different far off region with a different language and different traditions. I was a stranger in a strange land but with time I acquainted myself with everything and most of my friends at the time was native to this region, among my many friends I became very close to John Doe.

untold secrets

The friendship I had with John was unlike others; he took the time to show me around and helped me settle in as a stranger. In class, he didn’t mock me like my other mates did from time to time and I grew to respect him as a true friend. We shared meals and even money together, in all accounts of friendship he truly became the best friend I ever had until things went sour.

Related: The African Woman Blog Series: Life of a Woman – EP 16

I had invited him to spend the holidays with my family which I had never done before this point in my life. My family and friends back home liked him and soon he became like family to them as well. When we were about to leave, my parents bought things for the both of us and even gave him an allowance like they did for me. I was really happy because I felt I hit the jackpot of friendship.

When we arrived at school, we resumed our routine of classes and social outings. We went out as a group on a Friday; the group consisted of me, a couple and my friend with his date.


We first went to a lounge and had a few drinks. I sat down alone, eating and drinking while they danced to the music and I noticed my friend was having fun with his date for the evening. I remember he mentioned many times how he liked her but that she was a tease and did not want to be involved in anything serious so I was happy to see him finally getting a chance to be with her.

The night was still young so we got a taxi and moved the fun to a club. The dancing and drinking went into overdrive. At some point during the evening, the couple left to go home so it became a party of three. After a while, I decided to head home as well.

When I got home, I still felt the buzz of the alcohol running through me so I put on my laptop and watched a movie. Halfway through the movie, I heard a knock on my door. It was my friend. I unlocked and let him in and to my surprise, he wasn’t alone. He said he didn’t want to take her to his room because of his roommate and since I stayed alone he brought her here. I didn’t see anything wrong with the logic at the time so I let them in and immediately they went to the bed I sat down on my chair continuing my movie to drown out their kiss-filled conversation.

Towards the end of the movie, I noticed movement on the bed but I killed my curiosity because I thought no way would they be doing that. When curiosity finally triumphed and I looked past the laptop’s bright light I saw that she was half naked and he had his trousers slightly down.


The scene shocked me.

My friend after minutes of movements handed me a condom and asked me to join in, at this point the warning bells started ringing and I started paying attention to the girl. I noticed then that she was partially responsive and had her eyes closed, he noticed my obvious panic and immediately said she isn’t that drunk but was just pretending because of me. He said they had talked about it prior to leaving the club and that everything was ok but I still had this nagging feeling.

To this day, when I recall the events of that night I am glad I refused. The next day problem was at my doorstep knocking and I opened up to hear my friend ranting about the girl saying she didn’t remember what happened the night before. He said she was definitely pretending. He said she wanted to talk to me since she woke up in my room. I dressed up and moved to open my door but he held me back saying I should just tell her I wasn’t in the room during their event because that is exactly what he told her.

When I got to her room I knocked and she opened up immediately. I saw that she wasn’t happy but I ignored it and went in, as soon as I sat down she bombarded me with questions and right then I knew that this wasn’t a joke she was playing at because from her questions it was obvious she didn’t even remember leaving the club.


I felt guilty while I listened to her, I wanted to tell her what I knew to be true but in that second the thought entered my head it left because I knew it would blow back on me. He was my friend, it was my room and who would believe that I didn’t join in if he said I did. I had no doubt if this blew up, the consequences for me would be more severe so I went with the story he told me to confirm and I put her fears to rest. I left the room feeling sick to my stomach.

The ordeal weighed on me for days especially when I noticed that they had gotten close again, laughing and playing together. I don’t want to ruin their image of him.

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