Life of a Woman series is a real-life experience of different Nigerian women who have found courage in sharing their stories across this platform, with the aim of inspiring other women into becoming better versions of themselves.
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Strange But True: Life of a Woman EP 12
I would like to share the anguish of a pretty young lady with you. On the 23rd of March, 2021, I received a call from a friend of many years who resides in the US. My friend is a very private person.
She prefers to keep things on the down low and doesn’t find it easy to open up if she is not close to you. In anguish and despair, she narrated her ordeal at the hand of her husband of 8 years with me. I will try as much as possible to summarize the story for you and see if you can proffer a solution.
The marriage is blessed with two wonderful boys. The hubby is a medical doctor with the US Marines. He is a caring and loving father to his kids who takes care of family needs and budgets without looking back. The marriage ambition was built in exactitude. She said she noticed this strange behaviour as soon as she moved to the US to join him.
The hubby displays some traits of Hyper-active Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). She has mostly caught him masturbating even with her around without wanting to relieve his sexual urges with her. The hubby sees her as no match to his professional achievement, an inferior human being and a low-class person.
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They live like slave and master relationships. She has been in misery in the last 8 years of the marriage. There has been a lack of care, too much argument over little or no issue, little or no sex, neglect and abandonment.
She has tried to have this conversation with her husband to resolve whatever issue might be the cause of their marital problems.
Below is the chat she shared with her husband.
“Do you realize that you have never satisfied me sexually? I left our bed because I am a log of wood lying next to you every night through the cold nights of no romance of any sort.
Let me break it down. Our sexual intercourse since I got married to you.
2014 – 7-8 times
2015 — 2-3 times
2016 — 1-2 times
2017 — 1-2 times
2018 — 4 times
2020— 6 times
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I showed you a dildo and told you I would discard it, which I did. My little way of letting you know that I was missing sex. I had to buy another. I know how many times I have had headaches from me subduing what my body craves.
You don’t touch me right and you never cared to do any about it. How can you make me cum. You get your satisfaction and that’s it. Do you know how that makes me feel?
You snap at me every now and then. You respond to me with anger as though I am tormenting you.
When last did you hold my hand?
Do you remember ever hugging me?
I cannot engage with you when we watch movies or documentaries because you will turn everything into an argument; I can’t sit on you because you will always push me away.
I can’t extend romantic gestures because you would decline.
I live like a maid taking care of the kids and chores.
Have you ever researched “making my wife happy?”
Don’t you get how you torture me emotionally for years that I feel nothing for you right now?
You are an accomplished guy and pleasant in your own way but I now question if you are nice enough for me.
I have been unhappy for years and hoping to snap out of it but it never happened.
You promised me a marriage filled with so much love but I got home and food on the table only. Don’t you think we are not good enough for each other? That this thing is not working?
I’m finally speaking this way because I am fantasizing about a life without you and I feel that in no distant time I will do what I never intended to ever do. I want to be happy again!”
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“Ok. I am bad for you; I cannot satisfy you. I snapped at you. You don’t want to work on it. I get it and you want to move on. That’s ok. It’s clear to me now.
“Forget about breaking my trust in you and us arguing about it; forget that you have Vaginismus that causes me pain. Forget about blame for all your failure to get a decent job even though I told you from experience what other immigrants are doing for jobs.
“It’s clear now that you want a divorce. I guess my sisters, your sisters and my uncle already know and I have to find out last. Just come out and say it. Whatever you decide, I will do my best to support you. Just let me know your wish.”
Please advise is needed fast.
What do you think is the issue of the man?
What is the woman doing wrong?
Or do you even think the man likes doing vagina at all?
What do you think can be the solution to this issue?
Please endeavour to put something up. She will be reading.
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