Have you ever been in a relationship, and, suddenly, you begin to feel drained, exploited, monitored, or even afraid? I have been in a few before, so I can tell how it feels.
Most times, you might have committed yourself into this relationship, in fact, invested in it before you realise that it is a toxic one.
A toxic relationship comes in different ways, your own toxic might be different from another. But there are sure signs to tell you that you are in a toxic relationship, which means – RUN!
Sometimes, as a result of emotions, we get entangled in this kind of unusual relationship, thereby finding it challenging to quit or take a break in order to maintain mental stability.
It is not your fault that you are at this stage of that relationship, you can not even explain how it arrived at that stage.
Toxic relationships do not occur in romantic affairs only, they do also in friendship, among family members and colleagues.
Toxic relationships most times lead to controversial discussions; therefore, leading to verbal abuse, aggressive attitude or uncontrolled anger.
Refraining from such a person or group does not primarily depict hatred, resentment or malice; it simply implies that you need your sanity, space and breath if possible.
However, you need to know when to draw the line when you begin to see these signs.
1. Panic at meeting your family
Don’t be surprised that this freak a lot of people out at the moment you tell your partner that he or she would be meeting your family soon.
A friend of mine said when her partner mentioned this to her, she developed goosebumps all over her body immediately. It felt like she was going to meet the President or Queen of England. She obviously avoided the commitment and it ended.
According to relationship experts, a toxic lover takes zero interest in your family, choosing instead to spend the time on their phone, dozing off or complaining.
They’ll answer your family’s questions with the enthusiasm of a fast food drive-thru worker, and ask no questions of their own.
When the time comes to talk about you, they’ll do the opposite of building you up. Because nothing says ‘healthy relationship’ like telling your parents the story of when you got too drunk at an office party and he had to carry you up two whole flights of stairs.”
Unlike a toxic relationship, a healthy partner will be genuine, enthusiastic, and as interested in getting to know your loved ones as they were to get to know you.
They will ask engaging questions, offer to help with the dishes, and treat you like the gem you are, reassuring your parents that you are in great hands.
2. Sending inconsistent or hurtful texting
Another warning sign of a toxic relationship is sporadic texting patterns and negative, hurtful text content.
If you find yourself in such a relationship, your partner will text when they feel like it, at random times, and more often than not, when they feel bored or horny.
They don’t feel obligated to answer you until they ‘feel’ like it, which can be hours or days. And regarding sexting?
They’re all hot and intense in text and when you hook up later, they’re more interested in gaming, drinking, or suddenly announce they’re going out with their friends.
Since a lot of relationships blossom over early-stage texting, pay close attention to how the person’s texts and texting manner makes you feel.
“With a new relationship, you should feel like the person you are seeing is the one to check in, the one to ask about your day, the one to make plans,” advises Shallon Lester, author of dating memoir Exes and Ohs and YouTube sex and dating expert.
Otherwise, if you feel like you’re always the one reaching out and showing interest in their lives, you may be unconsciously setting the foundation for an unbalanced relationship.
If you feel this has been the norm for a while, you may be with someone who really isn’t ready to be in a caring, stable relationship. “Let them be super interested in you!”
When things are going well, your SMS messages should reflect it. I think your partner should text you on a fairly predictable schedule and check their phones often enough that you can count on a text back even during busy times.
Regular sexting can also be part of a healthy relationship.
3. Inability to grow over time
This can be tricky when you have such a partner. You should have the freedom to make mistakes and grow over time, but if the reverse is the case, then you are in a toxic relationship.
Over time, we learn new things about ourselves and life, and our dreams and goals and even opinions shift.
That’s OK. And it’s important to be with someone who’s both willing to accept those changes and grow too.
If you are in a toxic relationship and you see this sign, such as your partner tried to hold you back and hold your personal growth against you. Don’t let him or her; leave and grow on instead.
Toxic relationships are ones in which a partner feels threatened or insecure about your hobbies, interests and success. I have been there, I had to let go so that I can succeed. No regrets!
4. Acceptance of sex capacity
It is okay to have a higher libido than your partner, but it becomes dangerous when you take advantage of a lesser sex capacity to cheat on your partners.
Effective communication is always or most times the way out of storms in a relationship.
Talk it out. Let your partner know how you feel about your sex drive and satisfaction. You can always work it out.
Unlike a healthy relationship, a toxic one would become selfish about sex demands and insensitive to your partner’s desire.
5. Social distancing
There is no perfect relationship anywhere in the world without arguments. It is normal for partners to argue. We all cannot have the same opinion about issues at the same time.
The fact that you are partners doesn’t change the fact that you have your individual differences. You both grew up separate, were exposed to life issues differently until you agreed to become romantic partners in the business of love.
But toxic relationship partners are not known for their conflict-resolution skills, as they are generally unable to see their own part in a fight.
And since this person has never been at fault for anything in their entire life, they will most likely go back and forth between total denial and apathy, with random bursts of rage.
6. Responsibility neglect
Toxic partners refuse to take responsibility at different levels.
The inability to shoulder responsibility is the mark of an emotionally immature person. They admit their wrongs and are quick to pass the blame to another.
Some may even call you names at the heat of an argument. Some find it difficult to settle scores you have with them.
7. Threats to quit
Toxic partners threaten their lovers or friends with the break up phrase. They feel they are the alpha and omega of the relationship and have wholly right to trample on your emotions and call it off.
Of course, you have the right to do that, but not on a painful note or exit. Toxic partners would rather leave a scar on their lovers instead of been the star in their planet.
There are many other warning signs you may have noticed in your relationship with someone. These signs are there to help you to make a decision of taking a break.
Toxic partners are difficult to change, most times they end up causing depression to the other partner, which is one of the leading factors for suicide in the world today.
Your life is too precious to be in a toxic relationship.
Are you currently in a toxic relationship or you know someone in such? It is time to make a decision before it controls your being.