Friend-zoned is not a new word among youths. Many people have, in one time, or the other, been in this zone. Either a guy or a lady. It is common among youths. But one thing I’ve come to understand about friend-zone is that one person always feels hurt at the end. Why is it so?
Friend-zoning, in my own definition and experience, simply means intimate friendship with the opposite sex, with no agenda of transition into a romantic relationship.
In fact, this is also common among our fellowship brothers. I remember university days where a sister suddenly gets attached to a ‘born again’ brother because he is probably spiritual, an executive in the fellowship, prays in the spirit, gifted with the spiritual gifts, always smiling, caring, knows the word of God dutifully, intelligent and even more.
Although, initially, the sister might not even have any wrong motif towards the brother, but then, the unnecessary closeness from the brother begins to spark something within the sister. And based on how we are created, vulnerability is not far from our species.
The brother in question may or may not have an initial wrong intention as well but then I believe that every relationship should be defined. Ladies are always on the receiving end.
Here are possible signs that he or she is friend-zoning you:
1️⃣ Initial closeness.
This is always the beginning of friend-zoning. The friend-zoner (coined) starts with a friendly format. He or she begins with the general notion of wanting to be your friend but then you would know that this emotional friend request is not the usual one you have had.
2️⃣ Phased friendship.
It takes phases to do this. The friend-zoner slightly and deliberately or unintentionally takes the friendship to another phase, with or without the knowledge of the friend-zonee. This is actually the stage where if you are not conscious, you begin to fall for the initiator.
3️⃣ Indirect intimacy.
The initiator indirectly brings you into his or her space and world of emotions. Emotions are strong and can spring up at any time. This person knows that he or she has no intention of dating you but then he or she feels gratified with this act. As the receiver of this, you need to snap out at this stage, else, the end won’t be too good.
This is it! The initiator deliberately asks questions from you. Private and sensitive questions that you won’t ordinarily tell anyone, not even your parents or confidant. But because he or she has successfully made his or her way into your heart, you feel relaxed and comfortable telling the person. This is dangerous. You don’t owe anyone your loyalty if you are not compelled to do so. Choose not to answer if you don’t feel too cool with the questions. But do so politely.
5️⃣ Unnecessary communication.
This is another way the initiator penetrates into you. At first, you feel the person is caring, but then it becomes the norm. Calls, SMS, chats, video calls and all increase and are even done at odd hours. When you begin to notice this, just know that you are been friend-zoned.
6️⃣ August visitation.
Thank God for social distancing. Even at that, the initiator goes an extra mile to visit you, buys you things and even offers to take you out for a gist or evening moments – talks. This could be dangerous because he or she is not your fiance or fiancee, yet the game keeps intensifying.
Ahh!!! This stage is the hit of it. The initiator becomes jealous when he or she is attending to another especially of the opposite sex. He or she feels entitled to you like owning you, but you may feel you don’t want to hurt him or her, and you let it go.
We shall talk more on how to deal with been friend-zoned next Thursday which is our ‘personal lifestyle day’.
Do you think you are presently been friend-zoned? Kindly share your experience on how you were able to get out of it.